i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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