roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
