You're so nebulous sometimes
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
