I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
