omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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