quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
