So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
