The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
