life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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