did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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