He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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