Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
