im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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