I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
