Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
