how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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