let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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