Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
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the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
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The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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