Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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