Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
