I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
