Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
