I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
