Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
