I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
vagina is talking i cant
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
