Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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