i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Fuck appropriateness.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
