So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
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Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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