you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my being single is dangerous.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
