Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
