i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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