To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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