At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
