You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
