Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
