Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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