we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
