Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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