Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
