it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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