I think I won the penis lottery.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
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I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
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I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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