Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
