I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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