I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
