whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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