As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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