Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Randomize
