Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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