Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
