No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
