On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
