I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Vodka?
Forever.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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