You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My hand turned me down
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
