I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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