you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize