Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
