my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
These tits shall not be calmed
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
