Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
