weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
