I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
