There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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