i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
