Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
