I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
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I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
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Someone came in the potted fern
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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