a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
