ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
