new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
