i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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